Sandwich Monday: The Steak, Egg & Cheese McMuffin

By Ian Chillag

Published September 16, 2013 at 1:21 PM EDT

For the first two millennia of McDonald's Breakfast Menu, very little changed, but the past several months have brought startling reforms. The company introduced the Egg White Delight McMuffin, which has 50 fewer calories and one fewer yellow spot than the regular McMuffin. They stopped slapping you in the face when you try to order the Fruit 'N Yogurt Parfait. And now, they bring us the Steak, Egg & Cheese McMuffin.

Mike: It was odd that instead of asking, "How would you like your steak?" she asked, "Why would you like your steak?"

Eva: I had no idea "steak" was just another word for "skinny hamburger patty!"

Mike tries his best to think of a different sandwich.

Ian: The difference between the picture in the ads and what we actually got is at match.com levels of deception. I'm also starting to doubt this sandwich really likes "hiking and all kinds of outdoors stuff."

Eva: I do, however, believe that this Steak and Egg McMuffin is 25 years old.

Robert: This sandwich is apparently the result of a spelling error. They were really just looking for something to burn an Egg McMuffin at.

They say sometimes, when the air is calm and the light is right, you can see the ghostly hand of former interns grasping for a bite of sandwich.

Miles: If you bite your way to the center, you can see the yolk, which is odd, because steak doesn't usually have yolk.

Ian: This all came about when whatever they made the McRib from was like, "Make ... friend ... for ... McRib ..."

Mike: The Bride of McRib!

Miles: Egg and meat in disc form, just as nature intended.

Ian: Someday, when we're all downloading our meat, we'll look back on these days when we got all our meat in discs and laugh and laugh.

Where is the pixelate button when you need it?

Miles: "Steak and Eggs" sounds like a late '70s cop show. And apparently they're both bad cop.

Ian: They've made a terrible McSteak.

[The verdict: a welcome addition to the Breakfast Menu. It's worth mentioning that the steak has a bouncy quality that makes it perfect for a McDonald's sandwich, and it'd make a perfect, safe surface for the ground around McDonald's Playlands.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!