Sandwich Monday: Oprah's 'Love Sandwich'

By Ian Chillag

Published November 25, 2013 at 3:08 PM EST

Subscribers to Oprah's O magazine wait all year for the "Oprah's Favorite Things" issue, in which Oprah lists a bunch of things you need to buy if you want any chance of becoming Oprah. It's just out, and in it Oprah mentions that she makes for Stedman something she calls a "Love Sandwich." If you don't know who Stedman is, I'm not even going to put a link here to help you, because really, you should already know.

Pastoral, here in Chicago, created its own "Love Sandwich" in tribute, and we ate it in tribute. And because they gave us some free ones. It's turkey breast, lemon-artichoke pesto, arugula and truffle cheese on a baguette.

Ian: This is very different than the "Love Sandwich" I found on Urban Dictionary.

Eva: My mouth is living its best life right now.

Ian: I like how the delivery guy just said "You get a sandwich," and then it was magically under my chair.

Eva: But you do have to wonder how long it was under there.

Mike: I know she means well, but I'm pretty sure I just swallowed the keys to a new Pontiac.

Ian is skeptical until realizing the Oprah sandwich does not actually contain Oprah meat.

Miles: Just remember to remove the "Oprah's Sandwich Club" sticker before eating.

Ian: Yeah, the fact that Jonathan Franzen probably hates this sandwich makes it taste even better.

Peter: Oprah will truly show her power when she makes a best-seller out of headcheese.

Mike: This is much better than the Maury Povich sandwich. You order lunch and the guy delivers a hoagie and an 8-year-old.

Ian: It's cool how instead of a panini press they just use Tom Cruise.

Peter: So when Oprah says she makes Stedman a sandwich, she really means she asks her army of servants to make Stedman a sandwich, right?

Intern Steven reacts to the news we canceled his subscription to<em> O</em> magazine. — Intern Steven reacts to the news we canceled his subscription to O magazine.

Eva: Remember in the '80s how this sandwich wore enormous shoulder pads?

Miles: I'm part of the Oprah Frequent Sandwich Program. If you collect six stamps, you get a free tearful reunion with your estranged family.

Mike: I would recommend against the Dr. Phil Tapenade.

[The verdict: a really excellent sandwich. Even if it wasn't, it would be tough to communicate that because as we all know, Oprah is all knowing, and has full editing privileges on everything on the Inter .... OPRAH SEES ALL. ALL HAIL OPRAH. ALL HAIL OPRAH.]