Four years ago, my wife and I became mothers when I gave birth to our daughter. A few months ago, my wife gave birth to our second child. And this summer, I’m occasionally on call as a birth doula. I’ve become so captivated by birth that I now support other women through this transformation. Plus, studies show doula care brings real benefits, ranging from shorter labors to lower rates of intervention, including fewer cesarean births.
Part of my doula training confronted the fact that death is an inescapable part of birth work. Things go wrong — both accidental and unpreventable — so if this reality is too hard to accept, my teacher said, then birth work is not for you.
I’m lucky to live in a community with birth options. Birthing at home, as I did, though not the norm, is recognized as an alternative. Medical interventions, including numbing pain medication, though common, are not a done deal.
As a doula, I provide my clients with emotional and physical support, as well as the tools to advocate for themselves. As a result, I get to be there when the child takes their first breath, and as my clients become mothers, often for the first time.
For as much as birth is the end of pregnancy, it’s also the beginning of parenthood, a journey that lasts much longer — and is even less predictable — than birth itself. As sociologist Barbara Katz Rothman writes, “Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers — strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.”
My wife and I prepared for the births of our two children. We attended a birthing class. We read books. We assembled knowledgeable and compassionate birthing teams. Still, we were caught off-guard when our second daughter arrived six weeks earlier than expected.
She stayed in the hospital with a feeding tube for nearly five weeks, adjusting to life outside the womb by sleeping through most of it. When we finally took her home, it felt almost like she’d just been born.
Although there are real benefits to planning and preparing for an upcoming birth, it’s also worthwhile to resist getting attached to due dates and birth plans.
There are no guarantees that any birth will go as planned, and the same might be said of motherhood.
