What's the best way to communicate a desire to pay your own way to family or friends when traveling?
Hello Lizzie and Dan,
This May, I am thrilled to be going on a two week trip to England and Ireland with my boyfriend of three years and his family. This will be my second time traveling with them. The first time, I paid for my plane ticket, hotel accommodations and little things here and there. The family insisted on picking up the tab for most things such as dinners out or coffee breaks, entertainment fare and so on.
This was extremely generous of them and I'm very appreciative. Of course a thank you card and gift was sent to them when we returned home. For the upcoming trip, everyone's airfare and hotel has been covered by my boyfriend's grandfather. He is facing health challenges and his final wish was to have his family visit one last time. Because of this generosity, I would really feel more comfortable paying for my own meals, coffee and entertainment. I do not want to blindly assume that they will cover the cost for these things. Do you have any sample language that could start a conversation about expenses for the trip?
Best,
Hillary
?The answer:
It sounds like you do all the things that someone who is receiving generosity should do: you say thank you, you recognize the impact it might be having on these people but they are still willing to give it so you're doing the polite thing by receiving it.
You should run with this and pay for whatever it is you've agreed to pay. Let the family pay for dinners out and if they offer to pay for tickets to museums or shows that you're going to go see, take them up on it. Just be sure to thank them in the moment and afterwards with a card, like you did last time.
If there are any questions about the expenses for this trip, get them on the table early and as often as you need to so that you can relax and enjoy the trip. Just be upfront with people and really clear about what your limits are and what you can afford.
Another thing that you might mention is that you really want to contribute in some way. Maybe you could chip in to surprise the grandfather with a particular dinner or meal or night out. It could be a really fun way for you to participate in planning the trip.
