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Awesome Etiquette: Is A Small Wedding Selfish?

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Plan the wedding that feels right to you, but make sure to account for your friends and families' feelings along the way.

Weddings come in all different sizes, themes and styles, according to the needs and desires of the couple. Sometimes it can be difficult to explain your choices to friends and family, especially if your choice means they miss out on the event. 

Is it selfish if you'd prefer a smaller, intimate affair?

Hi Lizzie and Dan,

My fiancé and I are getting married this spring and have decided we'd much rather get married by a judge and take a vacation than have a wedding and reception. The other day over dinner with friends we shared this news and our friend became very upset. She said it was selfish that we weren't having a celebration. My future sister-in-law is somewhat upset because she doesn't get to see her only brother get married. Are we being selfish? It's our day, can't we do what we want?

Thanks,

Nick

The Answer:

You are right, it's your wedding and you get to make the choice. But it's also true that a lot of people are going to feel like it's all your wedding, your immediate family and close friends. 

It's a good idea to think through how you'll explain your decision to these important people in your life. 

Since you want to keep it simple, be really firm and really clear about that. Be sure you really communicate to people that you care about them and that you realize that this is a big deal in many people's lives not just you and your fiancé's. 

Think about a way that you can include those people in your union so that they can share this special moment with you.

You could choose to just have a reception or party, which a lot of people do. Just remember in your own mind this isn't a wedding and that you don't want to invite people as if it is a wedding.

Congratulations Nick, this is such an exciting time in life! 

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