When friends seem to forget dates or don't show up for events they said they would, it can make you feel like they don't care about you. How can you talk to a friend about being more respectful of your time and following through with plans?
I have a group of friends who are notorious for being late or double-booking themselves. My friend, who lives in a different city, and I were supposed to have a long overdue catch-up session. She didn't pick up her phone for the call and or return my texts asking if we were still on. Thirty minutes later, I got an apologetic text saying that she had forgotten and double-booked herself by accident. I'm getting tired of this recurring situation. Any advice?
Thanks
Catherine
The Answer:
We get a version of this question almost every week: unreliable friends, friends who break dates, friend who don't show up. This lack of accountability to each other ends up presenting a social problem and it makes some people feel taken advantage of and not respected.
We often talk about approaching etiquette through the lens of relationships and relationship building. It's an absolute courtesy to honor your commitments and to make an effort on behalf of friends because that's how you develop the social capital that relationships are built on.
It's important to say something when what you're feeling is part of having integrity in a relationship. That is the mark you can use for yourself to decide when to say something.
There's a certain honesty to delivering tough news and delivering it well. You can always soften it a little bit by acknowledging the quality the friendship and how much you appreciate her. Those are all things that could soften the blow a little bit, but it's important in the relationship to let each other know how actions impact each other. Be sure to say how her behavior is bothering you and why you want to address the problem.
It sounds like you're an excellent friend and I'm sure that you're going find a good resolution for this particular situation.
