How do you respond to a wedding invite if not everyone in your family is invited to attend?
My son has been friends with a boy, Evan, since middle school. They are now 26-years-old and I have been friends with his mom for about the same amount of time.
Evan is getting married and my husband and I have been invited to the wedding. The problem is that my son and Evan had a disagreement over a minor issue a year ago and they no longer keep in touch. My son did not receive a 'save the date', though he had expected one. My husband says we should not go to the wedding nor send a gift. Since I'm good friends with the groom's mother, I would really like to go.
Is it being disloyal to my son if I go to this wedding? Is it being disloyal to my friend if I don't go? If I go but my husband does not, what kind of excuse could I give for him? What would you recommend?
The Answer
Your long friendship with Evan's mother is the connection you have to this wedding and that's probably why you received an invitation. It's a honor and a privilege to be invited to a wedding. If that inspires you to want to go, you are absolutely within all good etiquette and good taste to attend the wedding.
In terms of your husband's response, it's natural as parents to want to be defensive. As far as answering questions about your husband absence, it's entirely appropriate for you to respond that you're going to be coming alone and your husband won't be attending. There is no need to go into a long and elaborate explanation.
Is it being disloyal to my son if I go to this wedding? Is it being disloyal to my friend if I don't go?
It is good etiquette when you've been invited to a wedding, to respond with a gift. It doesn't need to be anything big, extravagant or expensive but it is polite to reply to the honor of being invited to a wedding with a gift.
Whatever you decide to do, we hope that the wedding is a smashing success. Hopefully, your families are able to resolve these differences in a way that allow you to continue to maintain the friendships that are important to you.
