My Cancer
By Madeline Johnson, Age 11, Randolph, VT
How do you think it feels to be stuck in a bed not able to run around or play? That’s how cancer felt for me. I was 3 and I did not know what was happening. One day I started to cough and have a little fever. I had no energy. I was sick for a week. My mom took me to the doctor and I was poked, prodded and then went home. The next week again, I was poked, prodded and tested. Finally, I was put in a bed with white sheets and a Dora picture in the window. Soon I had full days worth of procedures: blood draws, lumbar punctures and chemotherapy. It hurt, but my family was there to help and guide me.
My dad slept on the floor and my mom on the couch. I missed the farm and sitting on Sal, the big horse. I wanted to go eat in the dining hall at school and hear the laughter of the students. I wanted to run and smell the crisp air and the hay and dust of the barn. I wanted to feel the wind in my hair as I swung on the swing in the barn. It felt as if I could fly, fly home, I wished. Horses had been a lifesaver for me. I was always in the barn with them. I would ride and help my dad care for them.
Soon I got to see all my family. I got my favorite food and my feet and back scratches from my family. My parents stayed by my side the whole time. Every day some kind of test or poke. IVs and purple arms and watching Dora all day; it hurt. When I got some energy, I got to go play. My parents would pull me in a red wagon. I would play and play. I wished I could do it all day! Finally I had enough energy to go home. When I could go home, I wanted to play more and stay with the horses 24/7, but I still did not have a lot of energy. I got to see Sal and smell the barn again and swing and feel as if I were flying to another planet. I would wake up in the middle of the night craving food.
After almost two years of having cancer, my family and I moved to a small town in Vermont. I started a new life. When I had enough strength, I got to go to school. I was nervous people would make fun of me. I had very little hair and a scarred past. But I also was a little excited to meet kids my age. I was scared; I thought people would not like me.
On my first day I was so scared. My mom walked me outside and told me to be me and have fun. If people are mean to me, tell my teacher. When I got to school, I became friends with Reagan and Abby. They were so nice and didn't judge me. My whole class was open to me and didn’t judge me. My teacher was also very kind and always helped me when people were mean.
For the next three years, I was in and out of the hospital. I became great friends with my teacher and some days I did not want to leave school. Those three years were a blur. I grew up and on my sixth birthday, I was done with my treatments. I had a huge party and I was so thankful I had survived and some can’t say that. There were ups and downs, hurts and sorrows, and many tears. My family pulled through for me and I think now I have a stronger bond with all of them.
I still go to check ups, but my past is not gone. When people ask if I could have not had cancer, I will still say yes, but it’s pulled my family and friends closer than anything else I could think of. Through my experiences, I have come closer with horses and I am still insanely in love with them to this day. I am so thankful I’m still alive and my past has helped me grow stronger.
