My sister in Florida sent me a recent photo of three boys floating a homemade raft down the canal behind her house. Seeing them poling along on a lazy afternoon, I felt a pang of nostalgia for a vanished time – not the antique days of Huck Finn perhaps, but rather a not-so-long-ago era when kids were allowed the freedom to create and explore their own worlds beyond parental supervision.
My rural childhood included treks in the woods with my sister on a borrowed pony and burro. We packed baloney sandwiches, saddled up and wandered until supper on trails that wound past a hermit’s cabin, an overgrown burying ground and into a stand of cathedral pines. There we dismounted and sat on a thick carpet of warm pine needles to eat lunch and build a fort. We were experimenting with time and space: how long we could stay out and how far we could venture. While we were gone, our parents went about their own grownup business. It was a time when kids routinely created fun that was not organized by adults.
I doubt the young rafters were dropped off by carpooling parents or that anyone called it a play date. In a world where we now even schedule play dates for our dogs, this glimpse of retro childhood freedom floating idly down a canal made me feel like cheering.
A few weeks ago, a South Carolina mom was arrested for leaving her 9-year-old daughter at a park all day while she worked nearby. The park was also not far from their home and the child had her house key and cell phone. Nevertheless, her mother was charged with a felony and faced jail time.
It reminded me of how, in 2008, a New York City mom let her 9-year-old son ride the subway home alone armed with a subway map, $20 and a Metrocard. This mom too, faced criminal charges, and found herself at the center of a furious national debate.
Being allowed to wander unsupervised in the woods was the fifties norm but might be construed as neglect today. Back then, parental fears weren’t fueled by constant reports of crime and child abduction - and even though the world could still be a risky place, we felt safe, adventurous, capable and self-sufficient. When we keep our kids on a tight leash by orchestrating every facet of their lives to protect them from harm we may actually be robbing them of rich growth opportunities.
A city boy riding the subway solo, a girl on her own in a park carrying her house key and cell phone, and three boys poling down a river: the first two brought charges of parental neglect, while the third is notable for its lack of parental participation.
But it seems to me that all three had the potential for confidence building, experimentation and learned independence. And I choose to trust that those three rafting boys made it home okay; tired perhaps, but safe and sound.
