Sandwich Monday: The White Castle Waffle Breakfast Sandwich

By Ian Chillag

Published May 19, 2014 at 2:52 PM EDT

The White Castle Waffle Sandwich pales in comparison with the Carl Kasell Waffle Sandwich.

Like bacon or cupcakes before it, the waffle is enjoying a surge in popularity, showing up everywhere from the Taco Bell Waffle Taco to Chicken and Waffles potato chips.

But fame has its price, and before the waffle hits rock bottom and checks itself into rehab for exhaustion, let's try the White Castle Waffle Breakfast Sandwich.

Miles: A waffle sandwich with bacon. The only thing that could make this sandwich more trendy was if it was squeezed into a pair of skinny jeans.

Robert: Waffles, fried chicken patty, bacon and artificial maple syrup flavoring: It's the four major food groups of my childhood!

Ian: I want a Middle Eastern chain to make waffalafel.

Zoom into Robert on Google Earth and this is what you see.

On paper, this has a lot of things we love: bacon, chicken, waffles, medieval references. But the textures of both the waffle and the chicken get in the way of success.

Peter: The waffle is woeful.

Mike: Are we sure the waffles aren't actually part of the packaging to keep the chicken from being jostled?

Miles: I'm currently waffling between not eating these and not eating these.

Waffle is one of few foods you can pronounce when you have that food in your mouth.

Ian: For a second you're so happy because its tiny size makes it appear really far away.

Miles: The chicken is a flightless bird, and this sandwich just made me a walk-less mammal.

Eva: The good thing about these is that after I'm done vomiting I have room for more of these.

Miles: This is proof that two rights make a wrong.

[The verdict: We had high hopes for this, but it pales in comparison with the glory that is the Taco Bell Waffle Taco. If you have a choice between Fake Camelot and Fake Mexico, go with Fake Mexico.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!