Sandwich Monday: The Dunkin' Donuts Eggs Benedict Breakfast Sandwich

By Ian Chillag

Published March 10, 2014 at 2:01 PM EDT

Portable Eggs Benedict is a real blow to the already-suffering fork industry.

Making foods portable has long been a focus of food engineers. Gogurt did it for Yogurt, the McLeash made it easier to drag all your favorite McDonald's foods along with you. And now, by turning the open-faced sandwich closed and upping the viscosity of its Hollandaise, Dunkin' Donuts has brought portability to Eggs Benedict.

Miles: The full name is Eggs Benedict Arnold, because this sandwich is a traitor to everything breakfast should stand for.

Peter: I'm happy Dunkin's is going more upscale. I'm looking forward to the sous vide Munchkins.

Ian: I'd just like to point out how disturbing this choice on the Dunkin' Donuts website is:

Ian: Carrier. It's infected with Eggs Benedict but is not yet showing symptoms.

Miles: Typhoid Benedict.

It's Robert's birthday, so we melted down some candles and mixed them with the Hollandaise in his sandwich.

Ian: I always get mixed up on the grammar. It's Eggs Benedict, like attorneys general, right?

Robert: Lives Threatening.

Peter: Finally, a gourmet brunch the same diameter as your cup holder.

Robert: Yeah, it's great to be able to enjoy brunch on my drive in to work, but if I get pulled over, it might be hard to explain the mimosa.

Ian: OK, "brunch" is "breakfast" plus "lunch," so this is technically "brisgusting."

[The verdict: a split decision on this one. I liked it. Peter liked it. Robert started crying and we haven't seen Mike in an hour. I think the high-viscosity Hollandaise is a real marvel of engineering, and the proof is that I did not spill one drop on my pants.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!